Siraj and Squidgy get excited

In the run up to the Panorama programme being broadcast, local Labour leaders were – there’s really no other way of putting it – fair wetting themselves with delighted anticipation. Messages were sent out to local members, alerting them to the channel to tune to, and the time to do it, on the top-end Tower Hamlets “News from your councillors” letterhead.

(Every time we see that letterhead, with Siraj and Rachael standing together and smiling out at us, we can’t help but be fooled for a moment into thinking we have opened a wedding invitation. What is it about the masthead that makes them look like a couple? Siraj is a very nice man, but we’re sure he didn’t smile before Rachael took up her Deputy Leader’s post, aka “consolation prize for not being chosen as candidate for Mayor”. Now he is smiling like a man who used to say he would not tolerate Labour playing silly games with Lutfur and that his Party was going to concentrate on genuine political disagreements only, but has now been drawn into signing all the anti-Lutfur Labour press releases – only to find that he enjoys his new found status. Rachael, of course, is a more seasoned smiler. She smiles, smirks, simpers and grins in most of her past photos. Except in the Town Hall. Where she doesn’t smile. Because It Is Serious In There. But somehow she forget that when she was being photographed for the letterhead, and she is smiling so hard it looks like she is almost about to laugh out loud. What a fine couple they make! Though, of course, looks are deceiving and they are not a couple at all – in love with their politics, and not each other. We digress)

The gruesome twosome tell their party members that they have not seen the Panorama programme yet, but it is sure not to be complimentary about Mayor Rahman. How do they know? Perhaps it is because their colleagues former Labour Leader Cllr Joshua Peck and former councillor Helal Rahman (whatever happened to Helal Rahman? And what became of him when came off the Council?) had been busy giving interviews to the programme. Helal said relatively little (at greater length than was necessary – nothing changes, then). Josh was his old self: earnest, righteous, and only slightly looking like he is about to burst into song.

On Panorama Josh said that he was pretty sure that at least some organisations which received grants got their cash because the Mayor expected them to support him politically. This is basically an allegation that the Mayor is corrupt. Poor Josh didn’t have an opportunity to present his evidence of corruption on the actual programme: all he had time to say was that he was “pretty sure”, narrowing his eyes as he did so just to make sure we all understood how pretty sure he darn well was.

Well, as an upright citizen, we’re sure Josh isn’t sitting on the hard evidence that he did not have time to refer to on Panorama. We’re pretty sure he’s taken it to the Town Hall and got the matter properly investigated. Because sitting on evidence of corruption and not doing anything about it is, well… almost, nearly corrupt, really, isn’t it? And saying you are “pretty sure” when you don’t have evidence is just plain libel, and Josh wouldn’t be doing that, not on national TV.

There we go, digressing again. Siraj and Rachael – what can we call them? Sirchael? Raraj? No, the “happy couple” will have to do – tell their members they have not seen the programme but that Eric Pickles is “considering sending in investigators”. How do they know Eric is thinking of doing this? He announces it… in the programme! The one Sirchael haven’t seen! Except he doesn’t. All that Eric actually says is that “If I feel the allegations you made were substantial and serious, I shall consider intervening. I have powers to put in an inspector to look at the way the Council is being run.” In other words, he is not “thinking of sending in investigators”. He will have a look at the allegations first, not the Council.

So, rewind: imagine all those Labour Party members sat indoors on Monday night, tuning in to Panorama and… and hearing four brief allegations of a highly dubious nature. There’s just no justice, is there? The programme was originally planned to last a full hour, but was cut in half at the last minute, leading to at least one of Mayor Rahman’s supporters being left on the cutting room floor. Meanwhile, Rayraj were telling their members that they were alerting them to the Panorama programme so members “could make their own minds up”. Strange they didn’t circulate details of how to find the Mayor’s own documentary, which has been produced as a reply to Panorama (http://vimeo.com/90422433, since you ask).

However, just when most of the local Labour Party was slinking away in disappointment, who can we rely on to put a positive spin on events? Why, our local MP “Dim Jim” Fitspatrick, of course!

Jim tweeted “No killer blow from Panorama, not that I expected one. The good people of Tower Hamlets have to finish off Lutfur in May, and I believe will.” Apparently, therefore, Will is speaking the truth. That’s fine, Will’s a good bloke and we believe him too.

So now you know. If anyone from Labour tells you that Panorama did Lutfur any harm, tell them it didn’t and it’s all going to be calmly decided at the ballot box. You know, because Jim Fitzpatrick told you so.