She didn’t lose a man. She lost a lover, a best friend, a half of her. She lost dreams and hopes, and aspirations. She lost days of staring at cotton candy clouds lying on the cool green grass while he took silly pictures of her, and nights of falling asleep to his soothing voice.
She lost a husband. She lost children. She lost hugs and comforting strong arms surrounding her in times of pain. She lost a cause of laughter, a reason for the smile bursting out of her into tinkles of delight.
She lost a home, a future, a family. She lost holidays abroad, plans scribbled in the walls of their mind, breakfasts in bed, and indoor picnics meant for outdoor lunches.
She lost cruises to nowhere in particular, caring not where the wheels went but enjoying the moment, the journey, the feel of her fingertips caressing his hair.
She lost warm hands, and fingers encircling hers, and pulsing heartbeats, and the promise-sealing kisses.
She lost a jar to pour her love in, her everything in, her soul in. She lost a soul, his soul, in a struggle that was becoming uphill, steadily steeper by the day, by the hours, by the minutes. She lost a war for someone who didn’t want to be hers.
She lost herself, drowning in the sweet deceitful liquid of his love, blinding and blurring her vision.
The hand let go of hers, pushed her away, threw her away, shattering her desperate desire to believe in him. Tossed away her love.
And then she emerged. Gasping for air, as realisation slapped her, cleansed her, washed her, freed her. She hadn’t lost anything. She had found.
She had found herself again before he existed. She found family, and friends, and the light of their love bathing her, warming her, holding her up.
She found dreams, reignited with the lights of a new sun, the dust blown off by the breeze of a new morning, sparkling as much as the first time she had envisioned them.
She found a new beginning. She found her strength and her hope and her will. She found a future.
She found cosy days in coffee houses, snowflakes and pretty flowers. She found ambition, she found life, she found space. Breath. Thought. Clarity.
She found escape. Escape from the liquid suffocation of a net that sought to control her, but knowing it couldn’t it sought to take from her.
She found control.
She found her soul.
She found herself.
By Sulthana
Read more about this exciting new up and coming poet on her Website: http://hijackmyheart.com
Hijack My Heart is a personal writing project of Sulthana Begum. This is a place to inspire change, support charity and release my creativity. Mostly to release the creativity though in the form of poetry as well as prose, articles and pictures.
She writes because poetry, like other arts, is not necessary to live life, but it makes life worth living. It lets her capture moments, whether painful or beautiful, and it lets her release herself and express herself without censorship, because no one knows how much poetic license has been used, and how much of it is based on reality or imagination.
Got a question? Ask away and give her a shout at sulthana@hijackmyheart.com if you need anything and she will see if she can do something to help you with her creativity.
In the meanwhile, We hope you enjoy reading her work. She will always appreciate anyone who spares their time to leave a comment.